Heavy Thoughts For A Lighter Heart

Today I had two things in mind that I wanted to share… make that three, but the third would somehow be linked to one of the original two. So, Eeny Meeny Miny Moe!

I choose you!

You don’t have a soul, Doctor. You are a soul. You have a body, temporarily.

– A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller, Jr.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always found the mechanics and wonders of natural sciences to be incredibly fascinating, and it inspires my spirituality as well along with the idea of an infinite blank.

Lately, I’ve been transforming my mentality. A fews years ago my private life started to feel like a battle zone. Anticipating the fatal missile to launch at any moment, all the while landmines were going off one after the other. But it all seemed to happen all at once. It was a time that felt as brute as weapons and as fragile as a flake of snow. Those years deeply affected me, and I didn’t realize how much they did until recently… until I realized that its the heaviness in my heart. I came to a realization while I was punching down repeatedly with intensity during a kickboxing session. All of a sudden I started crying, and felt this surge of emotion running through me. I kept punching. Then an image came to my mind. Recently, I’ve been physically challenging myself in ways that have helped me tap into my feelings and uncovering the “whys”. I have a tendency to brush over my feelings, reflecting more on logic. Overtime that’s what I taught myself to do till it became second nature. Facing my feelings is something I’ve been wanting to do though, but I became so disconnected with them that I confused it with indifference. Maybe I didn’t feel those things?

A video I made a few years back.

One of the emotions that is buried inside of me is resentment. What a weight, but how do I release it? Forgiveness. Forgive what happened over the years. I do not want to live with a callous taste on my tongue. I will not live with a callous taste on my tongue. Or, rather, I will live with a more open heart. It’s funny how our expectations can get in the way of that. For that reason, it can be easier to forgive people who have less strings tied to us.

Something that’s helping, is shifting my energy–rather than focusing on the plum pit that seems to have lodged itself in my throat, I am envisioning a fresh, profound perspective. Imagining what it is to see the world through another person’s eyes.

Many of us have heard that saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Well, from all of the times I’ve walked around in my mom’s shoes I don’t remember getting any flashes of insight. But I have been paying close attention to the sense of sight, and how vivid it is when you’re in your own body.

When I go on my nightly runs, my awareness is heightened, and that’s when I pretend that I am another person. Not a specific person, but more so playing with the idea of experiencing life with clarity through another person’s eyes. When I look at someone else, I don’t know what’s going on in there. But whatever I experience seems so much more magnified because I am in my own body. But what is the other person experiencing? Life in the same magnitude? That’s what I remind myself of when I pretend I’m someone else. We each have a set of “eyes”, and for the time being our souls are living this life. And sometimes we forget that. Every person has their own vivid experience of life.

Then there are those lucid, visceral moments which transcend all notions, quieting the mind. That is when everything simply exists in reality.

What’s your inspiration?

Images above are: 1) a breakfast bowl with kefir, slow-cooked oats with a few grains of forbidden rice, diced apple, and apple sauce; 2) Mama’s Pea’s version of Gingerbread Cliff bars; and 3) egg cooked in a forbidden rice congee

15 thoughts on “Heavy Thoughts For A Lighter Heart

  1. i watched the video and it was pretty powerful…you know i look back on lots of stuff from my early college years and notice such a transformation and then a halt for a good year or so. i became so indifferent and nothing even phased me anymore, i totally did it to cope but i’m kinda sad i let myself fall into that trap. when i finally allowed my sense of self to emerge, it was quite emotional and i often found myself overcome with extreme happiness or sadness (kinda like kristen bell and the sloth video lol) my emotional scale was ranging that widly. never ever try to stifle yourself, just be you. all the time!

    • Wise words, Melissa 🙂 I think when people go through something like that… it’s like they see life in a whole new and profound perspective. I know that happened for me, and it inspires me to just LIVE!

  2. i agree with the first comment above! such a powerful video! great Katharina! I have days like these when I feel over sensitive and emotional. I also have days when i randomly start crying. but sometimes you need it – you need to let go! you are an inspiration to many other people so keep reminding yourself of that- it will put a smile on your face! amazing food by the way! want the recipe for the forbidden rice congee PLEEEEEASE!

    • I promise you the recipe in my next post 😉

      and thank you for your kind words, Alexia! It’s definitely good to let go. It’s amazing how pent up emotions (even when people negate themselves laughter), can be stored in the physical body. I’ve found that especially in yoga, when I do certain poses I can feel so much more than my muscles releasing.

  3. I really enjoyed the video…I find the Doctor’s hypothesis very interesting. Perhaps that’s how some people magically cure cancer, or overcome other physical disorders in life. I guess it’s related to the power of visualization. I believe that imagining yourself in a certain state and having faith in it is very powerful. Some scientists even say that’s how natural selection / evolution could have begun!

    On the other hand, I am still quite an emotional person. I would get really hyper at one point and then cry by myself at the other – on a same day. But I guess you need that sometimes. Emotions can be an inspiration, after all. For instance, I was really happy about my English term mark yesterday in the first period which motivated me that I can do this; while my failure in a Chemistry lab taught me that I needed to work harder…haha

    As always, your post was very inspiring, as well as your delicious-looking foods 🙂

    • Thank you my dear 🙂 Hehe I made up that story when I was working on a monologue for the video 🙂 But I think visualization has such a vital role in our health, especially for those who are more inclined to aesthetics.

      Emotions can definitely be an inspiration. Even the lack of them! And I love the wide spectrum that we can experience. I’m not sure why some people only like to focus on the same ones sometimes though lol. Like when people go after the unattainable state of eternal happiness. I think maybe the most constant equilibrated emotion is contentment 🙂

  4. Katharina-

    I was so excited about your congee that I almost commented immediately but I decided to watch your video first. For some reason, it was difficult for my humble browsers to play it, but I finally got it watched. WOW!
    The video is as succulent as the perfect egg on the perfect congee.
    Which brings me to the congee. I almost ordered my first Forbidden Rice not long ago when you mentioned the Italian Red Wild Rice. Being part Italian, and having never heard of the stuff, I started looking for it and delayed my Forbidden Rice order. Now you spring the Forbidden Rice on me at an unexpected moment in an unexpected recipe. You even served it in what appears to be a congee set (if there is such a thing)! Congee, Forbidden Rice….Girl, you titillate my taste buds!


    P.S. I did not mean to gloss over your video; I found it too deep and profound on several levels to say anything further that would sound, by comparison, trivial. I love the word Metaphorosis.

    • I always love how our food choices seem to cross-paths 😀 and thank you! When I came up with the word I loved how easily it could be integrated into my vocabular… and really seem real 🙂

  5. Katharina,
    I miss our nights talking about things such as these! Your perspective and creativity with how you can look at things is so great. You explore and think and often put things in new light. Thank you for a splendid read! I really enjoyed the “you don’t have a soul..you are a soul” part. Also, I want to pretend that I am another person because we do all have vivid experiences of life. But maybe also it’s good to realize that sometimes we get so stuck in our own issues, pleasures or pains that we get stuck in this physical part of life too often. This could tie in with having a temporary body, but BEING a soul. We often need reminders to nourish our souls as well. And finding balance is always key.

    Love, Emily

    p.s. yum yum beautiful food as always!

    • Emily! Thank youuu, and I miss those nights too! Your insights and thoughts on so many things about life come from such a wonderful place–you 🙂 I love you!

      See you soon!

  6. That was a really thoughtful video; well done. I really enjoy the quote you first posted. It resonates with the spirituality that we all have, but most people tend to drown that and their feelings out with other things, instead of focusing and listening to them.

  7. Such a beautiful thoughtful video from a beautiful thoughtful woman. I often look back on my heaviest times and heaviest emotions with love because I know I grew and learned from them. There is also an anger attached to a lot of memories – and a forgiveness I’m working on so that I can walk more lightly and love more openly. x

  8. Pingback: Arrivederci! | Katharina's Food Adventures

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